Wha' happened?

After reading Hillary's blog, I should be fired, too. I haven't blogged in forever. But I have been writing more in my real journals, more personal things and such. I've just been thinking a lot about what it is I want to do with my life. I feel like it's been put on hold for a little bit since it is Holiday time and I don't have a lot of money to visit more schools, plus the weather isn't the best for getting around. After my slide on Salisbury after the first big snow, I feel as though I need to be more cautious when driving. It does remind me though when I had to run to the Landing to pick up some stuff one night after the first snow and Chris I guess said something like, "Wait, it's snowing outside and the roads are bad, and we sent the Asian to pick up the stuff?" He's funny like that. Anyways, back to life, I definitely want to go to culinary school, but pay off my existing school loan debt. Sure, I still have an interest in political science minded things, although I should do more scholarly reading and read more weekly news magazines and such. One thing for sure is I need to make sure I have a gym membership and more willpower to not eat so much food if I want to work around food, heh. Today I ate my weight in burritos, Bruno dough and cheese pizza. Eek. I ate like three hours ago and I still feel full. I was doing good for a while, eating not as much and leaving it where I felt comfortable after I finished eating. But I suspect my eating is the way it is for some reason. And I will be joining the Levee gym soon, next paycheck. I know I am always buying things, but for real I am getting better and I think a gym membership is a present I actually need. I want to be healthy so I am able to live a good, active, happy life. I've been having trouble meditating lately. Like I have sat down to meditate, but my mind is wandering so much and I am having a hard time feeling sensations. I should email the AT from Illinois and ask him what I can do to get through this, but I am also trying not to get discouraged about not being able to meditate. I think whatever it is I am going through, I need to welcome it because there is a reason for it and all I can do is keep making the efforts to meditate. There is definitely an importance for meditating everyday. I am hoping that going back in February to the meditation center will help me get back into things a little better. I wish I could find someone who meditated, too. That would be weird though asking/posting about finding other meditators. Ah well. I think also I am going to maybe go to Campus House soon. Or maybe Maple Ridge. But Hillary is not there anymore. I talked to Becky and Emily B. about it, but I just have this thing that I don't want to go to church by myself. It is really hard for me to get myself to do it. I should get over that though...and soon. I am hoping to get to look at Daria's apartment in a couple of days and perhaps move. It would make living easier for both of us financially. My only concerns are how many things it seems I have acquired over the past few years and where to put/store them. I should just get down to the essentials, but I am such a packrat. It's insane. And my other concern is that she has a cat or two. I am allergic to cats. However, it seems I am not as bad around them as I used to be. My allergy has gone from eye irritations, to not being able to breathe, to just most recently, sneezing. So my hope is that my tolerance is building up. My parents have a cat and when I go home to visit, it isn't too bad. And being around Buster isn't unbearable, like it would have been a few years ago. My plan if I decide to move is to keep my door shut, and sweep like krazy. Paying $100 or more less on rent will be nice. Then I can save up and get a new comp, do things for others and pay more on my bills! I sat in today on Lisa and Yunni's lesson. It was a different lesson today, Yunni was very sad about how things are going for her and her family. Her husband did not get the job he was hoping, which means she will not be moving back to Korea. It seems she really misses her family and friends. I tried to cheer her up, but I am not sure how well I did. I am not good with comforting others. But hopefully things will look a little better for her in the next few months or so. Like Lisa said, she needs to be kind to herself and to allow herself to feel the feelings and emotions that she is. And hopefully I will figure out if I am comfortable/qualified to tutor Yunni and "The Boy".

All for now.