is this for real?

So I had such a good Thanksgiving I am wondering if it still went as well as I think it did. No one cried, got upset or left early. I think a big part of it was the long talk I had with my parents the night before about everything that is going on with me, my brothers and even them. I had a lot to talk about! A lot about James, too...bleh. It's not that I am bitter about what happened between us, but I am still really hurt by everything and I feel so stupid because I was always willing to do so much to make him happy and I didn't get that in return. And maybe I just expected things out of him that he just couldn't do so I can't be mad/upset with him. I just wanted someone to be kind/nice to me and get excited for me when I was excited. I don't think that is too much to ask for, ya know? Okay I got side-tracked there. Anywho, Thanksgiving day was good, woke up had pancakes and then watched movies (I brought like five to choose from) and then had dinner, didn't stuff my face and then we played euchre. Which I am actually getting decent at or just have good luck with euchre, I'm going to go with luck.

Yesterday was Wilco with Ross and Rebecca...totally great. Wilco is seriously such a great band it's insane! I've already written down my notes for the review I'm going to write, which is more than I ever did with past shows, so I'm excited to finish it by Wednesday/Thursday. I wish I could have spent more time with Ross and Rebecca, but I had to get back to hang out with Jenny and Christina. I sat with Ross a bit though while he finished his sermon this morning and watched sports highlights on ESPN.

Lunch was fun with Christina and Jenny, yay Main Moon. And then we talked for a bit and took lame-o pictures outside. Kind of senior picture style posing in my front yard. That's the nice part about living in the country you can do stupid things in your yard and no one can see you=Þ

Anywho I am off to finish packing and start cleaning...bleh. I can't wait for all of this to be over!

much love!

oh, Rocky Balboa

Okay I know it's obvious I like Jenny Lewis tons, maybe a bit too much, but this is totally my favorite song off of her album Rabbit Fur Coat...

You Are What You Love

This is no great illusion
When I'm with you I'm looking for a ghost
Or invisible reasons
To fall out of love and run screaming from our home

Because we live in a house of mirrors
We see our fears and everything
Our songs, faces, and second hand clothes
But more and more we're suffering
Not nobody, not a thousand beers
Will keep us from feeling so all alone

But you are what you love
And not what loves you back
That's why I'm here on your doorstep
Pleading for you to take me back

The phone is a fine invention
It allows me to talk endlessly to you
About nothing disguising my intentions
Which I'm afraid, my friend, are wildly untrue

It's a sleight of hand, a white soul band
The heart attacks I'm convinced I have
Every morning upon waking
To you I'm a symbol or a monument
Your rite of passage to fufillment
But I'm not yours for the taking

But you are what you love
And not what loves you back
So I guess that's why you keep calling me back

I'm fraudulent, a thief at best
A coward who paints a bullshit canvas
Things that will never happen to me
But at arms length, it's Tim who said
I'm good at it, I've mastered it
Avoiding, avoiding everything

But you are what you love, Tim
And not what loves you back
And I'm in love with illusions
So saw me in half
I'm in love with tricks
So pull another rabbit out of your hat

and...I get these daily things from Tricycle magazine sent to my email and though I am not Buddhist, they always have something good to say and I just thought I'd share one...

Karma Consciousness

The word [karma] penetrated the Western consciousness, from the Buddhist point of view at least, in somewhat distorted guise. It is often called the Law of Cause and Effect, so it is about the consequences and actions of the body, speech and mind. And consequences are very important in Buddhism. Any action that is willed, however subtly, by the person who performs it will always produce a future ripening and ultimately a fruit of similar moral quality, because in the human sphere karma operates in an ethical manner. So an unethical action will produce a come-back of like kind in this life or some future rebirth; and the same goes for morally good or indifferent actions that are willed and freely undertaken. In the Bible it says something similar: that we reap what we sow. If we want to progress spiritually--or even just live with minimum aggravation--it therefore behooves us to be very careful how we speak and act, for there is no way we can escape the consequences.

--John Snelling, Elements of Buddhism from Everyday Mind, edited by Jean Smith, a Tricycle book

Anywho, time to head home, my parents are probably wondering where I am. I am determined this year to keep my family from drama and ppl getting upset this year. Last year was such a bummer around this time, I am not sure if I can handle two years in a row the same way so I am equipped with movies that should please most if not everyone and also some good music to listen to when we get our euchre on. I just seem to have luck when I play because I always get the aces and it saves my partner and I from getting euchred...woot!

I hope everyone has a safe and happy Thanksgiving!

much love!

p.s. I really like the Rocky movies and I saw a trailer for Rocky Balboa and it didn't look that bad (trust me when I first read about it being in the works, I was wondering what Sylvester Stallone was thinking, but I have changed my opinion on that) so if anyone wants to go with me, let me know=Þ Or else I will probably have to go to a matinee by myself, heh.

So the Colts lost, which is a total bummer but they just need to step it up if they wanna win, ya know? I feel like a lot of times they play just enough to get by and they could play so much better. Same with Purdue, but oh well there's a reason why some teams have great seasons and others don't.

Today was a good day, Kelly and I worked out for a little bit. It's been so long since I have gone running or used any type of machine. I was on the elliptical for like two minutes and my thighs were burning, kinda sad but that's just how it was. Then I talked to Jenny later and Lisa and we got to catch up on things.

My parents came up to help move some stuff out of my apartment. It was so nice too that Charlie is letting me store my stuff out at his shop because I was worried about trying to figure out where I could store my stuff until I move on December 16th. It was the most fun I have ever had moving stuff. James from work and Kelly both helped so we were done in like no time and then my parents were really sweet and took us all out to dinner. It was just nice because my parents haven't really met a lot of my friends that I have here just because they don't come up much, so it was nice to have them all hanging out together and eating dinner.

Last night was fun. I just need to be able to eat in front of guys. I had some really awkward moments when I was eating my dinner with Zach and I ate like maybe half, not even, of my meal. When I came home Kelly was still up and the first thing I said was, "I'm starving!". James's band sounded really good last night and it was definitely crowded at the Knickerbocker. I had a good time, and Zach really seemed to enjoy WSF. I can't believe I stayed up so late after I got home from the show, Kelly and I ended up talking/laughing so hard until 3am and I had opened that morning...krazy!

Anywho, I need to do some dishes and then read.

much love!

So yay, Purdue won today and are now bowl eligible=) I know it's a big rivalry btw PU and IU, but Ohio State and Michigan are definitely stealing the Big Ten spotlight today, especially with both teams being undefeated, krazy!

Work was incredibly long, but I kinda made it that way for myself. One of the other stores was really short staffed so I volunteered to work a few more hours past my regular shift. That may have been a bad idea, but it's done now, just need to get in a short nap. I might try that power nap thing again=Þ Work was fun though with James, Anna and Dawn. Definitely some of my favorite ppl to work with, but then again I like everyone I work with. And today was nice because Zach came in to get coffee and I got to talk with him for a bit;)

I got my car fixed so now it isn't hesitating when the ac or defrost is on and Charlie figured out what was causing my back floor to be flooded with water...broken seal in my trunk. Apparently the compartment where my spare was was flooded and when I would stop, the water would go onto the back floor...eek!

I can't believe it's already time for Thanksgiving...oy. I'm excited, but also not looking forward to it. My brother, his wife and my niece are moving to Mexico and this will probably be the last time that we see them for a while. My parents don't particularly agree with the decision to move (what kind of jobs are there, what about Areli's education and tons of other things). I just feel like my brother is making a huge sacrifice in order for his wife to be near her mother. I know she misses her, but it feels like we're getting left behind and not as important because I can't really imagine they are going to be able to visit often and vice-a versa, but who knows. These things happen for a reason. But I'm excited because after Thanksgiving is Wilco with Ross and Rebecca, woot! And then I get to spend some more time with my family afterwards and see two of my bestest friends, Jenny and Christina. But that means that Lisa will be leaving to go back to Georgia after Thanksgiving. It's definitely been nice her being here right now because we have been able to hang out a couple times this week already. We're going to try and do dinner next Friday. I think this upcoming week is going to be good, but definitely hectic, ya know?

Anywho, need to get back to the game and just veg for a while. Then off to dinner and to catch James's band at the Knickerbocker with Zach, yay=)

much love!

time is almost up

So the time is approaching for me to decide how I want to cut my hair after I donate it to Locks for Love. My hair has been this long pretty much never as far back as I can remember. I came to the States with a bowl cut, had a mullet in fourth grade and many more awkward hair cuts after. It was right toward the end of high school that my hair was under control and looked nice a majority of the time. Then came college. I had a really bad haircut about three/four years ago. I decided to let the stylist lady do whatever and she gave me a trendy Asian haircut, aka a mullet. It was really short on top and layered and thin and long in the back, it was pretty much awful and I remember crying on the way home after I got it cut. Yuck.

I would like to try something new with my hair after Christmas or right before Christmas, but just not sure if I can pull off the look that I see on other girls. Maybe I'll just have slightly shorter hair and go with short bangs this time since I have had long bangs for a really long time.

Anywho. I should get some things done before work. Mainly get a letter sent off to my landlord and wash my hands of this apartment! I can't wait until December 16th, I will be moving and will live comfortably for the next six months or so.

Much love!

old news...

so the Jenny Lewis + The Watson Twins concert was back in October, but I still can't get the show/songs out of my head.

You guys should check out NPR for their performance, it's pretty close to what I heard in Nashville, but of course I think it's better because I was actually there=)

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=6254742

there are some new songs, too. one of my favorites was Acid Tongue.

much love.