Being a Buddhist

Have confidence in your own spiritual potentiality, your ability to find your own unique way. Learn from others certainly and use what you find useful, but also learn to trust your own inner wisdom. Have courage. Be awake and aware. Remember too that Buddhism is not about being a Buddhist; that is, obtaining a new identity tag. Nor is it about collecting head-knowledge, practices and techniques. It is ultimately about letting go of all forms and concepts and becoming free.

--John Snelling

slap it, shoot it, kaboot it...

so...Hillary and I are wanting to start a card and wine club! What kind of card club you ask? what other kind of card game is there besides euchre?! So we will be asking around to see if people are interested. We are thinking about once a month to get together and the first few sessions could be to teach ppl if they don't know how to play, but being from Indiana you should know=Þ

*sigh* I am so unmotivated today, but I am so going to do some yoga before it gets too late and then watch a Leno repeat with Jack Black. I've just been listening to music most of the day and watching some Gilmore Girls. I just can't see myself wanting to do anything that doesn't involve music in some way, but it isn't going to happen if I just sit on my bum like today...but it was my day off so it's allowed.

anywho...off to become a yogi!

much love!

You can't fail if you never give up

So I can't really sing, but that doesn't stop me from singing=Þ I'm kinda that annoying girl that whenever any song comes on or is played I try to sing along to it. I am not completely tone deaf, but I could definitely use some help in learning how to sing, so I'm going to try and get together with Kristin (from work) and hopefully she can show me the way. When I think about most of the people I know, they all have really nice singing voices...Hillary, Kristin, Jenny, my mom, Kelly, Ross, Ginger, Maria and um...ya, the list could go on forever. Anywho, the main thing I'd like to learn is how to use my diaphragm properly so I can be louder when I sing...louder = more annoying, heh. Hillary and I talked about this a week or so ago, and the other thing I need more of is confidence when I sing (and when I do other things, too). Anywho.

I hope everyone had a nice holiday this year;) I got to hang out with my parents, Jeff and his gf January, and my grandma. We had a couple over from church and played cards later in the evening. I love playing any sort of card games with my family because my mom and I always get goofy (with or without wine). We had a Christmas mix playing from the kitchen and there was a lot of singing, drumming on the table and dancing in our seats during the card game, which of course turned into hysterical laughter for us and everyone else laughing...probably at us, not with us, heh.

Yesterday I hung out with Christina which was good times. We had lunch at Scotty's and stuffed our faces full of food...oh waffle fries! It's definitely a good thing we don't live together anymore or I'd be like 20-30lbs heavier, eek! Went to Borders and returned a book, got another Black Keys cd. Christina ran a couple of errands with me and then we rented a couple of movies - Little Miss Sunshine and The Last Kiss. I highly recommend watching both!

Anywho, I think I need to get started on the apartment...aka get things in order! Hillary should be back up tomorrow with the rest of her things, so I definitely need to get things straightened up so I don't drive her krazy! I can stay up all night and clean/organize and listen to music since I have tomorrow off! I think James and I are going to see Rocky Balboa tomorrow. Christina was saying that the reviews have been bad, which I expected, but I checked imdb.com and so far it has like a 7/8ish out of 10. But as you all know, I love Rocky so it only makes sense that I will see it anyway!

Much love!

RIP
James Brown
Gerald R. Ford

Letting Go of Holding On

Renunciation does not have to be regarded as negative. I was taught that it has to do with letting go of holding back. What one is renouncing is closing down and shutting off from life. You could say that renunciation is the same thing as opening to the teachings of the present moment....

Renunciation is realizing that our nostalgia for wanting to stay in a protected, limited, petty world is insane. Once you begin to get the feeling of how big the world is and how vast our potential for experiencing life is, then you really begin to understand renunciation. When we sit in meditation, we feel our breath as it goes out, and we have some sense of willingness just to be open to the present moment. Then our minds wander off into all kinds of stories and fabrications and manufactured realities, and we say to ourselves, "It's thinking." We say that with a lot of gentleness and a lot of precision. Every time we are willing to let the story line go, and every time we are willing to let go at the end of the outbreath, thats fundamental renunciation: learning how to let go of holding on and holding back.

--Pema Chodron

The Stovetop Kernels

If there was ever to be a female version of the Woodstove Flapjacks, that would be it. Hillary and I came up with the name when we were about to watch Ricky Bobby (aka Bobby White to Hillary) and we couldn't make popcorn because we didn't have a microwave and I told her we would have to be slightly old-fashioned and make it on the stovetop like my parents used to, before microwave popcorn became all the rage=Þ And also because it seems women like popcorn more than men, but maybe that just isn't so and I am just digging for something to make the band name have a feminine spin on it.

anywho. this past week was a little rough in spots. I had a day of crying, which seems to be the norm these days. I kinda knew it was coming though. I had not been getting enough sleep, moving stuff, saying bye to people, not eating well and then throw boys in the mix - there are bound to be tears in there somewhere. Honestly though, I just have a lot of stuff going on that it just doesn't matter if I cry on any given day, if I feel like it, I will. This weekend was nice though and things are getting under control. I got a full night of rest Friday and Saturday evening and also last night. Sleep does a body and mind good! My parents came up on Sunday and we moved the rest of my things in...although I forgot the bookcase and it seems I am missing a few boxes in between all the moves and such (can't find the box with all my dvds!) But once I get everything in it's right place I think I will come across what I thought was missing. Okay, so I am really dorky, but in this paragraph I have named two songs by two bands that I really like so if you can identify them, leave a comment. I am sure there are more than just the ones I am thinking of, so you can comment on those also. One band has the word "The" in it and the other is just a one-word band name. One band is from the US and the other is from the UK. I just gave the biggest clues/hints ever for ya!

After my parents left I went to a little Christmas party at Spurlock's that Matt and Kier had invited me out to. You had to wear a tacky Christmas sweater or something of the like. So I had this bright green sweater vest that I bought at GW a long time ago and it was perfect for the event. I bought a red turtle neck to put under it (thank goodness for girls XL turtlenecks at Target for $3.50) and wore khaki's. It was pretty lame looking, but I tried to make it look somewhat cute=Þ

I got a lot of the kitchen things washed last night...just not put away and will hopefully finish that part of the apt today. I had to quit last night for a movie break. I finally saw The Family Stone. Not what I was expecting over-all, but it was a good movie. You should check it out. and ps...Luke Wilson is SO cute;)

I got a slight workout today. I helped Hillary and her dad move some things into the apt. I'm not as strong as I thought I was. Since I have been moving a lot lately I thought my muscles were a little stronger than they used to be, but after helping move a queen-sized bed upstairs...it appears not to be the case, ah well. After that I met Adrienne and Anna for Thai and it was great. Exotic Thai II (we're not sure where ET I is yet) has such great food...yummero!

Anywho, I should get back to the apartment and clean. Or at least head back and see if Hillary wants to run to Borders with me...I am slowly getting a start on my Christmas list for others and I came across another present today for somebody and it's at Borders. yay for coupons and Borders Rewards!

Anywho, off to clean or run errands!

much love!

p.s. you should check out The Black Keys. I borrowed a dvd of them from James and they are pretty amazing. Just the guitarist and the drummer and the sound they have created is impressive. I can only hope to be half as good as Pat Carney and hopefully half as sweaty! James wants to have a sound like The Black Keys and of course he loves Jack White so would it be The Black Stripes or the White Keys? Apparently neither...he threw out the name The Grey Chords. Not sure about that, but oh well. let's worry about me getting a drum kit first=Þ

The Holiday

Kelly and I saw The Holiday today and it was really good. I recommend seeing it! It's got JB, Kate Winslet, Cameron Diaz and Jude Law in it and it's a cute holiday/romantic comedy=)

So Adrienne just posted all the pics we have been taking lately, pre-WSF show and our last Thai outing...and I've come to the conclusion that I just don't photo well. It could be all the goofy faces that I make, but who knows=Þ My cheeks are way chubs, too. I wouldn't mind losing a couple inches off those things, but something tells me I will have them for life!

Anywho, that's about it. I got the keys for the apartment and have slowly started moving things over. Hillary came up and I gave her a set of keys and then we took some measurements for her room and all. So yay to finally having a place to call home!

Time to get ready for sleep!

much love!

let's build ourselves a fire

I am so hungry...soup is on the burner warming up. I hope it's good. So I know it's only Tuesday, but I have cried both today and yesterday at some point. I can be sensitive at times (okay maybe a lot), but I don' t usually cry this frequently. I think this really is just a stressful/crying month or couple of months for me. With the apt and all and not really feeling at home anywhere, no offense to Kelly! And I've been stressing about boys lately...ugh, I'm so tired of it, but my mind just goes back to it. It's not that I really want or am ready to be in a relationship after everything with James, but honestly I just haven't really been single much since high school. James and I dated off and on for the past six years, with about a year or so (cumulative) broken up in between the three times we dated, and so now that I am single I think I just don't know what to do with my time besides think about being with a guy because that's what I know. Like I need to take my hobbies/interests and really spend some time doing those other things that make me happy or that I just like doing. I'm definitely not making the most of being single. Sure I am talking and hanging out with my friends, but my mind just goes straight back to boys..bleh. I guess I just really really have to make a conscious effort to not dwell on that topic, ya know?

Anywho. I got my rental car today, it's comparable to my neon, a 2006 gold chevy cobalt. It's a nice little car, but not necessarily one that I would rush out to buy on my own. The collision repair shop was supposed to get my car, but I don't think they got my info in time, so hopefully they should get the wrecker out here tomorrow to take it back to Kokomo to fix.

Sunday I told Aaron that I'm not going to pursue the ASM position since I plan on going back to school this fall. I would feel really guilty if Starbucks invested time/money into me and then I was like...oh btw, I'm going to step down after eight months. I am really excited to go back to school. I think prob professional writing but I am still keeping journalism in the back of my mind. I'm also way excited about getting a drum kit. I was talking to James at work about what songs I want to practice playing and what not. I am so on my way to being in a rock band=Þ I've been listening to Meg White's drumming, not that I want to imitate her style, but I could learn a few things from her I'm sure. And I really like Fab from The Strokes and of course Glenn Kotche of Wilco, but I'm also just paying more attention to drummers in general.

Since seeing The Pick of Destiny, I realized that I totally love Jack Black. Like when I think back to all the movies that he is in that I've seen, he cracks me up and I love his singing and general goofiness in his movies. Kelly and I were watching The School of Rock the other day (TBS) and I just love it. I dunno, nothing profound, but JB is definitely a celebrity crush of mine.

Anywho...I need to eat my soup before Gilmore Girls is over because Kelly and I are supposed to work out after the show is over which is in like eight minutes!

much love!

I just got hit by a car?!

So today has been a really long day. Opening and then getting some stuff ready to donate so that we can help raise money for Heather at Silver in the City. I was going to help out with the actual selling of stuff and what not, but due to events happening yesterday I can't help out...boo!
I think Kelly and I are both pooped. We went shopping yesterday and I feel we were both really productive and then we had to open and then tonight is James's show at the Brew Co. so it's going to be time for a nap real soon.

But ya, so the title of my blog is referring to what happened last night after Kelly and I made a run out to the store so I could get a pair of shoes to wear for tonight. We were heading back to her apartment, I was driving and we were on Salisbury and all of a sudden this car hits me in the drivers side. Looking back it's kind of funny how I reacted. We both screamed, looked at each other and then I stated the obvious (which I am excellent at doing) "I just got hit by a car?!?!?!" The guy just kind of sat there for a minute right next to my car and I looked over at him like, omg, you just hit me. And then we both got out, my door couldn't open all the way so I had to get out on the passenger side. It just really shook me up, I was shaking for a bit and couldn't really think straight. I'm glad Kelly was there with me. It just really sucks because I've never been in a car accident, my fault or not. So I didn't really know what to do, besides getting a police report, contacting insurance companies, etc. The guy was a little shaken up Kelly said, but it sounds like he's been in a few accidents before because he seemed to know what he was talking about. He was a bit too smooth/arrogant though for just hitting my car (I won't go into details), he hit me hard enough to blow out my tire, which wouldn't be too hard with the weather being as cold as it was, and the hub cap came off. So he changed my tire, but my spare was pretty much almost flat. When it was all done and said, we exchanged info so now I just have to get ahold of my insurance and get everything squared away. Bleh. I am just very thankful/grateful no one was hurt. I just have to get my car situation taken care of and get a rental until it is fixed.

so ya, I've got a lot of things to get done before the show tonight and I would like to squeeze in a nap or I am not going to be much fun tonight, just sleepy=Þ

much love!

is this for real?

So I had such a good Thanksgiving I am wondering if it still went as well as I think it did. No one cried, got upset or left early. I think a big part of it was the long talk I had with my parents the night before about everything that is going on with me, my brothers and even them. I had a lot to talk about! A lot about James, too...bleh. It's not that I am bitter about what happened between us, but I am still really hurt by everything and I feel so stupid because I was always willing to do so much to make him happy and I didn't get that in return. And maybe I just expected things out of him that he just couldn't do so I can't be mad/upset with him. I just wanted someone to be kind/nice to me and get excited for me when I was excited. I don't think that is too much to ask for, ya know? Okay I got side-tracked there. Anywho, Thanksgiving day was good, woke up had pancakes and then watched movies (I brought like five to choose from) and then had dinner, didn't stuff my face and then we played euchre. Which I am actually getting decent at or just have good luck with euchre, I'm going to go with luck.

Yesterday was Wilco with Ross and Rebecca...totally great. Wilco is seriously such a great band it's insane! I've already written down my notes for the review I'm going to write, which is more than I ever did with past shows, so I'm excited to finish it by Wednesday/Thursday. I wish I could have spent more time with Ross and Rebecca, but I had to get back to hang out with Jenny and Christina. I sat with Ross a bit though while he finished his sermon this morning and watched sports highlights on ESPN.

Lunch was fun with Christina and Jenny, yay Main Moon. And then we talked for a bit and took lame-o pictures outside. Kind of senior picture style posing in my front yard. That's the nice part about living in the country you can do stupid things in your yard and no one can see you=Þ

Anywho I am off to finish packing and start cleaning...bleh. I can't wait for all of this to be over!

much love!

oh, Rocky Balboa

Okay I know it's obvious I like Jenny Lewis tons, maybe a bit too much, but this is totally my favorite song off of her album Rabbit Fur Coat...

You Are What You Love

This is no great illusion
When I'm with you I'm looking for a ghost
Or invisible reasons
To fall out of love and run screaming from our home

Because we live in a house of mirrors
We see our fears and everything
Our songs, faces, and second hand clothes
But more and more we're suffering
Not nobody, not a thousand beers
Will keep us from feeling so all alone

But you are what you love
And not what loves you back
That's why I'm here on your doorstep
Pleading for you to take me back

The phone is a fine invention
It allows me to talk endlessly to you
About nothing disguising my intentions
Which I'm afraid, my friend, are wildly untrue

It's a sleight of hand, a white soul band
The heart attacks I'm convinced I have
Every morning upon waking
To you I'm a symbol or a monument
Your rite of passage to fufillment
But I'm not yours for the taking

But you are what you love
And not what loves you back
So I guess that's why you keep calling me back

I'm fraudulent, a thief at best
A coward who paints a bullshit canvas
Things that will never happen to me
But at arms length, it's Tim who said
I'm good at it, I've mastered it
Avoiding, avoiding everything

But you are what you love, Tim
And not what loves you back
And I'm in love with illusions
So saw me in half
I'm in love with tricks
So pull another rabbit out of your hat

and...I get these daily things from Tricycle magazine sent to my email and though I am not Buddhist, they always have something good to say and I just thought I'd share one...

Karma Consciousness

The word [karma] penetrated the Western consciousness, from the Buddhist point of view at least, in somewhat distorted guise. It is often called the Law of Cause and Effect, so it is about the consequences and actions of the body, speech and mind. And consequences are very important in Buddhism. Any action that is willed, however subtly, by the person who performs it will always produce a future ripening and ultimately a fruit of similar moral quality, because in the human sphere karma operates in an ethical manner. So an unethical action will produce a come-back of like kind in this life or some future rebirth; and the same goes for morally good or indifferent actions that are willed and freely undertaken. In the Bible it says something similar: that we reap what we sow. If we want to progress spiritually--or even just live with minimum aggravation--it therefore behooves us to be very careful how we speak and act, for there is no way we can escape the consequences.

--John Snelling, Elements of Buddhism from Everyday Mind, edited by Jean Smith, a Tricycle book

Anywho, time to head home, my parents are probably wondering where I am. I am determined this year to keep my family from drama and ppl getting upset this year. Last year was such a bummer around this time, I am not sure if I can handle two years in a row the same way so I am equipped with movies that should please most if not everyone and also some good music to listen to when we get our euchre on. I just seem to have luck when I play because I always get the aces and it saves my partner and I from getting euchred...woot!

I hope everyone has a safe and happy Thanksgiving!

much love!

p.s. I really like the Rocky movies and I saw a trailer for Rocky Balboa and it didn't look that bad (trust me when I first read about it being in the works, I was wondering what Sylvester Stallone was thinking, but I have changed my opinion on that) so if anyone wants to go with me, let me know=Þ Or else I will probably have to go to a matinee by myself, heh.

So the Colts lost, which is a total bummer but they just need to step it up if they wanna win, ya know? I feel like a lot of times they play just enough to get by and they could play so much better. Same with Purdue, but oh well there's a reason why some teams have great seasons and others don't.

Today was a good day, Kelly and I worked out for a little bit. It's been so long since I have gone running or used any type of machine. I was on the elliptical for like two minutes and my thighs were burning, kinda sad but that's just how it was. Then I talked to Jenny later and Lisa and we got to catch up on things.

My parents came up to help move some stuff out of my apartment. It was so nice too that Charlie is letting me store my stuff out at his shop because I was worried about trying to figure out where I could store my stuff until I move on December 16th. It was the most fun I have ever had moving stuff. James from work and Kelly both helped so we were done in like no time and then my parents were really sweet and took us all out to dinner. It was just nice because my parents haven't really met a lot of my friends that I have here just because they don't come up much, so it was nice to have them all hanging out together and eating dinner.

Last night was fun. I just need to be able to eat in front of guys. I had some really awkward moments when I was eating my dinner with Zach and I ate like maybe half, not even, of my meal. When I came home Kelly was still up and the first thing I said was, "I'm starving!". James's band sounded really good last night and it was definitely crowded at the Knickerbocker. I had a good time, and Zach really seemed to enjoy WSF. I can't believe I stayed up so late after I got home from the show, Kelly and I ended up talking/laughing so hard until 3am and I had opened that morning...krazy!

Anywho, I need to do some dishes and then read.

much love!

So yay, Purdue won today and are now bowl eligible=) I know it's a big rivalry btw PU and IU, but Ohio State and Michigan are definitely stealing the Big Ten spotlight today, especially with both teams being undefeated, krazy!

Work was incredibly long, but I kinda made it that way for myself. One of the other stores was really short staffed so I volunteered to work a few more hours past my regular shift. That may have been a bad idea, but it's done now, just need to get in a short nap. I might try that power nap thing again=Þ Work was fun though with James, Anna and Dawn. Definitely some of my favorite ppl to work with, but then again I like everyone I work with. And today was nice because Zach came in to get coffee and I got to talk with him for a bit;)

I got my car fixed so now it isn't hesitating when the ac or defrost is on and Charlie figured out what was causing my back floor to be flooded with water...broken seal in my trunk. Apparently the compartment where my spare was was flooded and when I would stop, the water would go onto the back floor...eek!

I can't believe it's already time for Thanksgiving...oy. I'm excited, but also not looking forward to it. My brother, his wife and my niece are moving to Mexico and this will probably be the last time that we see them for a while. My parents don't particularly agree with the decision to move (what kind of jobs are there, what about Areli's education and tons of other things). I just feel like my brother is making a huge sacrifice in order for his wife to be near her mother. I know she misses her, but it feels like we're getting left behind and not as important because I can't really imagine they are going to be able to visit often and vice-a versa, but who knows. These things happen for a reason. But I'm excited because after Thanksgiving is Wilco with Ross and Rebecca, woot! And then I get to spend some more time with my family afterwards and see two of my bestest friends, Jenny and Christina. But that means that Lisa will be leaving to go back to Georgia after Thanksgiving. It's definitely been nice her being here right now because we have been able to hang out a couple times this week already. We're going to try and do dinner next Friday. I think this upcoming week is going to be good, but definitely hectic, ya know?

Anywho, need to get back to the game and just veg for a while. Then off to dinner and to catch James's band at the Knickerbocker with Zach, yay=)

much love!

time is almost up

So the time is approaching for me to decide how I want to cut my hair after I donate it to Locks for Love. My hair has been this long pretty much never as far back as I can remember. I came to the States with a bowl cut, had a mullet in fourth grade and many more awkward hair cuts after. It was right toward the end of high school that my hair was under control and looked nice a majority of the time. Then came college. I had a really bad haircut about three/four years ago. I decided to let the stylist lady do whatever and she gave me a trendy Asian haircut, aka a mullet. It was really short on top and layered and thin and long in the back, it was pretty much awful and I remember crying on the way home after I got it cut. Yuck.

I would like to try something new with my hair after Christmas or right before Christmas, but just not sure if I can pull off the look that I see on other girls. Maybe I'll just have slightly shorter hair and go with short bangs this time since I have had long bangs for a really long time.

Anywho. I should get some things done before work. Mainly get a letter sent off to my landlord and wash my hands of this apartment! I can't wait until December 16th, I will be moving and will live comfortably for the next six months or so.

Much love!

old news...

so the Jenny Lewis + The Watson Twins concert was back in October, but I still can't get the show/songs out of my head.

You guys should check out NPR for their performance, it's pretty close to what I heard in Nashville, but of course I think it's better because I was actually there=)

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=6254742

there are some new songs, too. one of my favorites was Acid Tongue.

much love.

awesome

That's what I said when I saw the guy I am crushing on at Borders. Adrienne, James (Starbucks) and I went over after our meeting to look around. We went to check out and Adrienne was being her normal self - funny, confident, etc. - and was making conversation with Zach and then it was my turn to check out and I had my Borders Reward card in my hand and he said he could swipe it for me and instead of saying, "thanks" or "that would be great" (something polite and friendly) I blurted out "AWESOME!" I know I'm thinking way too hard about what I need to say when I see my crush and I get way nervous and pretty much become incoherent and lose all the social skills that I have. Seriously, it's bad.

I know I talk a lot about guys and who I think is cute, etc. But honestly there are only a couple of guys that I seriously like, like really like. I found out last week that guy #1 has a girlfriend, which I was bummed out about, but anymore these days I'm not surprised. If they are great guys they are probably already taken. Borders crush is single (source: Anna), but I really don't talk to him...or any guy for that matter. I just get really shy and all I can do is smile and stumble over the very few words that I can get out of my mouth. Who knows. I just know I need to not put so much effort into thinking about this topic=Þ Just be myself...meow meow meow.

anywho. I put an ad in the Exponent to advertise my apt. I hope something turns out. It will be running for three days and so ya. We'll just have to see what happens.

I was supposed to leave tonight for the meditation course, but I just don't have a good feeling about leaving right now. The timing doesn't feel right, like with work and all the things I should be working on for work or outside of work (writing, tutoring, etc.) and my car is also acting funny and so I have decided not to go. That is kind of a plus though because after tomorrow, I have every day off until next Tuesday/Wednesday. I hope a I get some things accomplished/finished.

Besides my apt and still feeling sad every now and then about James, things are good. There was a time a few weeks ago that I started getting really sad about James, I don't know if it was really about that we weren't together, but just sad that things didn't work out and that I hope we will still be friends despite all of this. But it seems difficult to go back to a friendship when I think about our relationship over the time I have known him. I don't know how these things work with trying to be friends with someone that the majority of the time you were dating, planning a future of some sort and being really closer to that person than your best friends and such. Like I know that I just have to wait and see I can't keep spending my time worrying about things I just really don't know the answer to, but it's hard to not do that. I feel like I worry more than I should be about all sorts of things!

Anywho, I should stop writing and head to the grocery store. I so love grocery shopping, I just don't like the putting away part when you get home, ya know? Anywho.

Much Love!

don't you love it?

omg, seriously Jenny Lewis is amazing. I got to see her last night in Nashville with my friends Jenny and Mike and she was absolutely amazing. I really can't say anything more than that. I was so impressed by her voice (love it!) and her stage presence. If you get the chance to see her you should do it. You won't be disappointed!

Much Love!

For British Eyes Only

I got to see Hillary for about an hour or so yesterday. I think we are looking at either Riverwalk or Salem Courthouse to live for the next semester. My main goal is just to find someone to take my apartment from January to August, without that I can't really think about living elsewhere. Anywho.

Work was fine, I got to work an actual shift with Anna which was way fun. She's a blast to work with=) I think my cold or whatever is getting better...it should since I've had it for a week now=Þ Yay for Sudafed. The mornings are worst and of course those great coughing fits I get when there are like 5 customers in line and I have to excuse myself to go to the back, but hey thats what comes with being sick.

I'm really excited about this week - Jenny Lewis + The Watson Twins in Nashville and also getting to see Jenny and Mike, I get to see Elisabeth on Friday which I can't remember the last time I have seen her and also just getting a chance to catch up on some reading, writing, and finishing season one of Six Feet Under (Peter Krause is a babe btw!).

I'm also excited because I might see Wilco again in November with Ross and Rebecca, and I have a meditation course in November and also The Raconteurs are playing at the Riviera on Dec. 30th...just hoping they aren't sold out by the time next payday or when I can scrap some tutoring/tip money together to get a ticket. They are playing the 30th and 31st of December, but tickets on the 31st are twice as much due to New Year's Eve. I don't really have plans on NY's Eve, but if I could see The Raconteurs that would be pretty sweet.

It's been hard but I have been much better at prioritizing things that I need to have money for rather than buying cds and concert tickets and books, etc. I managed to make sure all of my bills are paid for and not late this past Friday and with the little money I do have left I am trying to not spend on cds! But come tomorrow we shall see...not only is it tip day, but also tutoring day maybe one cd won't be so bad...

Anywho. I'm off hope everyone is healthy and happy!

Much Love!

can I get a venti tai chi latte?

Yuck for being sick. But I think I am getting over it...it's in the worst phase right now. I got sick the day after I got to Florida for my cousin's wedding. Which was a good time, definitely interesting to watch my family and how ppl interact with each other...it would make for some good short stories. Anywho...

wow...I had tons to write and seriously, my mind is blank. I think it's the medication or my being ill. Ah well.

Perhaps I will blog more tomorrow or of course in my own journal at home. Some things are better when kept private.

Off to work.

hot ham water

It turns out I'm not krazy and that there are bugs in my apt. Yup, fleas...omg, seriously I'm going out of my mind with these bites on me. And what really stinks is that I have a beach wedding to go to this coming Monday and I have no clue what to wear. I own nothing linen and a dress is pretty much out of the question with the awesome red bug bites on my legs and ankles. I thought maybe I could try the legging look with a dress and with some flats, but I'm kinda nervous. Anywho, it'll all work out by then. On the bright side, my landlord told me today that they are going to get exterminators in the building once they find out what is going on upstairs...there is another apt down the hall from me and the guy has the same problem so I felt a little less krazy.

Anywho, other things are fine. I got to go to work at 4:30am. Woot, woot. It was fine, I was just a bit sleepy because I didn't sleep much the night before due to potential bug bites and a storm that woke me up at 2am. I'm glad I woke up during the storm. I've always been afraid that I sleep through everything (most storms, even a fire alarm that went off in a building I lived in a few years ago) and that if something serious were happening, I'd just sleep through it. But this makes me feel a little better=Þ

This past weekend was nice. I got to see Ross and Rebecca...yay! Their condo is seriously so cute. Abby went with me and we had plenty to talk about on the way there and then she got sleepy around 9:30ish and so I tried to just stand next to ppl during the housewarming party and laugh and pretend I was part of the conversations. But everyone there was nice and friendly so I didn't feel too awkward/dorky. It just makes me realize I am super shy unless I know ppl at functions and things...I guess I kinda need to work on that. Saturday we had lunch together...pizza, mmm. I wish I could have spent more time with Ross and Rebecca, but hopefully later in October or November I will be heading up that way again. The ride home was a bit quiet. I didn't have much to say and I think Abby had a headache and it was raining so not a whole lot going on there, but it was nice once we hit the sunshine and the rain was done.

Every time I go to Chicago or around it, it makes me want to live there. Like I can't really do it right now, there is no plan of action, etc. (that's kind of how the last two years have been, but this year I suppose there is a tiny bit of direction as far as what I want to do with my life). But eventually I would like to live in Chicago, maybe not forever, but at least for a bit.

And guess what else...tomorrow is Wednesday and that means Wilco is going to be here! I am way excited. I'm going to have dinner with some folks (Matt and Kier and their friends) over at the new Irish Pub and then the show is around 7:30pm. It would only be better if Ross and Rebecca were coming, but being a Wednesday made it difficult. But someday I hope we can all see Wilco together, that would be pretty fun.

And upcoming, Jenny and I are going to catch Jenny Lewis with The Watson Twins in Nashville later in October. I'm pretty excited about that. Good music and I get to hang out with Jenny;)

Anywho, I suppose I should get going and do something...maybe read a bit or run...it's pretty warm outside though so we shall see...

Laters;)

People We'd Rather Avoid

Metta (lovingkindness) is to be extended towards all beings and all manifestations, yet most of our difficulties lie with people. It is much easier to love birds, dogs, cats, and trees than it is to love people. Trees and animals don't answer back, but people do, so this is where our training commences. . . . Sometimes people find they don't feel anything while practicing metta meditation. That is nothing to worry about; thoughts aimed often enough in the right direction eventually produce the feelings. All our sense contacts produce feelings. Thoughts are the sixth sense, and even if we are only thinking metta, eventually the feeling will arise. It is one means of helping us to gain this heart quality, but certainly not the only one. In our daily activities all of us are confronted with other people and often with those whom we would rather avoid. These are our challenges, lessons and tests. If we consider them in that manner we won't be so irritated by these experiences. . . . When we realize that such a confrontation is exactly what we need at that moment in order to overcome resistance and negativity and substitute metta for those emotions, then we will be grateful for the opportunity.

--Ayya Khema, in When the Iron Eagle Flies.

turtle power

seriously, why do I have such an allergic reaction to bug bites...I have some on my arms and they look super gross and big. They appeared after I walked through Happy Hollow last week, what the heck?

Anywho, I need to see if the library has some french vocabulary and english grammar books that I can copy some pages out of for my student. He tried arguing with me about possessives and commas and I feel as though I have the upper hand on that even though I'm also Korean, but you now what I'm getting at=Þ And I need to get a cd burned for Jenny and Lisa and Ross & Rebecca...oy. My computer has been weird lately and has not taken three or so discs well and I know they were blank, but good ol' Nero has now made them trash...boo!

Ah well...off to be productive now that I am done with work for the day.

laters!

not again

Seriously, every time I go to blog I just don't feel like it. It's like at 5 this morning I had such great ambitions for the day ahead of me. But here I sit not really having done much of anything on my "to do" list. I don't even feel like walking outside I'm so lazy right now...geez. Anywho, to recap the day I had fun at work, except for early in the morning when I delivered some pretty bad customer service.

Lord knows I try very hard to be kind/patient with Sweeter Than Chocolate, Mary (you may know her by any of her new names/sons names - Chocolate Thunder or Sexual Chocolate), but today I just didn't want to see her get another free cup of coffee (oh if only she knew which direction was what). So she came in with one of her sons and had a really gross looking coffee cup and she had not been into the store at all that morning (it was only 6 or so in the morning) and I asked her how she was, rang up a coffee with a cup discount (gave her a new cup because the one she brought in was way grunge) and rang up another drink for her son. Well she said that she should be charged 53 cents for it like always. I tried to explain that if she had been in earlier at the store that I wouldn't mind, but that I can't give a refill just because she was at another store (this is what happens when we try to appease her and let her have refills even after she leaves the store and comes back hours later and I guess now whenever just so we don't have to "deal with her"). She told me that she goes to all the Starbucks all day long and that if it wasn't 53 cents she didn't want to pay for it and that she would never come back to this store (darn!). She told me she had been to the west side store already (Sagamore) and that is where the coffee cup came from. I gave her the coffee anyway because I don't like to waste it once it is poured (free cup of coffee). I also tried to reason with her that if I find out that she can bring a cup in from another store at any time and get a refill price then I would be more than happy to give her coffee for 53 cents, but I don't do that for every customer that comes into the store. So I was curious and I called Sagamore to see if she had been there...I should have just left it alone, but this woman has a history with me and Starbucks that I just can't shake whenever I see her or have to take her order. Heather answered and told me that to her knowledge Sweeter Than Chocolate had not been in and she asked Ginger, which Ginger replied that she would have remembered seeing her *heh*. So I went out to Mary and told her that I didn't mean to make her upset, but I felt like I give her a lot of free coffee because she brings in old cups when she hasn't been to the store and that I had called the west side store and they said she hadn't been there. Oh gosh, she was like, "well you've done it now. I'm going up to West Side right now." So I'm thinking to myself, I've made a terrible mistake. I called Heather to warn her she was coming up and that she had insisted she had bought coffee there which baffled Heather. I felt really bad, but not as bad as I would feel around 9am.

Abby called the store and I asked her if she had talked to Mary and of course she had. (Abby who is now out at the new store in LAFAYETTE, NOT THE WEST SIDE. Apparently Mary does not know west from south, or West Lafayette from Lafayette and unfortunately that is where she had bought her coffee earlier in the morning *cringe*. oy. I felt so bad, I apologized to Abby for making such a fuss about it, it's just that I feel taken advantage of by Mary almost every time I see her. And that she had told me that she had been to Sagamore, not Creasy. I guess Mary went on about how I called her a liar, etc. Which I did not, I was trying to be very patient with her as to not make her more upset, but I honestly thought she had not bought coffee from Sagamore. But I guess I just need to get over the stuff that has happened in the past - wanting a pair of pants because she spilled coffee on them and because I could not authorize that she called corporate on me, arguing about policy with me, and trying to get Starbucks to pay for a "broken tooth" caused by a toffee almond bar sample. I know that this woman has probably not had a great life so far, I would think partly due to her own actions/behaviors and very pessimistic outlook on life (ask her how her day is and she tells me she is dying) , but I didn't make it any better today for her. It's just sometimes I don't know what I'm supposed to do, follow policy as closely as I can and probably make her upset, or just give her coffee for 53 cents because she is probably very poor and gives me a hard time about it, although I can't do the same for all customers. bleh.

anyways. I think I am going to either get Moe's or Chipotle...mmm.

Get It Together

Well you love me and I love you
So what's the problem?
Can't you see that I'm sinking fast
And I'm near the bottom?

Whenever you feel me slipping away
Then that's when you should hold me tight
If you sense that there's something wrong
Then why not make it right?
Make it right
Maybe we'll get it together
Maybe it will last forever

Well you can't hide what's inside
I can see right through you
And I know every reason behind
Everything that you do

Whenever you feel me slipping away
Then that's when you should hold me tight
If you sense that there's something wrong
Then why not make it right?
Make it right
Maybe we'll get back together
Maybe it we'll make it last forever
And maybe this way things are better
Things are better

Girl, you could say that I'm hard to please
And maybe it's so
But look at you, your life's a breeze
And what do you know?

--Brendan Benson

well I had something good to write earlier, but the thoughts are gone.

Anywho, anyone who wants to see Wilco here in town, best get on it and buy their tickets. A guy from Purdue Convocations said that ticket sales are really low and if they don't get selling they might have to cancel the Wilco show, which would be really sad considering most ppl I know love Wilco. Hopefully though this won't really happen, because I will definitely be bummed out.

I'm looking at making my own meditation pillow instead of ordering a new one, it looked pretty simple when I found some instructions online. Maybe I will get Anna to help me out and we can both make one!

Off to pay a bill...yay!

Much Love!

um yeah...

The VMA's were quite bad last night. Off and on James heard me scoffing and asked, "why are you watching this again?" I watched it because The Raconteurs were supposed to perform in between commercials/breaks and what not and I wanted to see who else was performing, plus Jack Black was hosting. It seemed a lot of things went wrong during the show, like where skits and sections were supposed to fit together, but got chopped together and it looked pretty bad. The highlight of the show was seeing OK GO perform Here it Goes Again and hearing tiny bits of The Raconteurs, but even that wasn't a highlight, it was choppy and I thought it kind of insulted the band because they weren't even given airtime to play a complete song (the opener featured Lou Reed and then later they played with ZZ Top's Billy Gibbons). I guess they were featured as the "house band", but their playing was really limited. Ah well.

Time to run errands and then go to work.

*whew*

So for approximately the last five hours I have been writing, deleting, re-writing, etc. It's been a long time since I have pulled somewhat of an all-nighter in order to meet a deadline. It's definitely familiar and it feels kind of good to be writing. The main point of worry is of course whether or not what I have written is any good. Not just in writing, but also in other areas of my life, it seems I am my truly my biggest (and currently my most crippling) critic.

This week/month has been a difficult one for me mentally/emotionally. Each day that has gone by this week, two huge things have come to light. One - that I really want to pursue a career that involves music (writing), Two - that James and I may not make it. It's a huge mix of emotion...excitement, sadness, anticipation for what is to come, disappointment (I could go on for quite awhile). It's not that things are bad between us, just that we don't seem to have much in common these days. I guess no matter how much two people want to work out, sometimes it's just not meant to work out that way, least not at this time. I'm not mad about us, just sad.

Incredibly sad.

*sigh*

So after watching The Raconteurs at Lollapalooza, I have a new crush. I know people remember my crush on Rivers Cuomo (yeah, I still like him, but the man is married now) and Nick Valensi of The Strokes (married now and soon-to-be father), but there is a new guy...Brendan Benson. I don't like him just based on his looks (I'm not that shallow), it's just that The Raconteurs put on a great show and I really like his voice and music talent...pretty simple, but there ya go. James (Starbucks) thinks I just like The Raconteurs because I think Brendan Benson is a good looking guy (which he is), but whatev...girls can also like male musicians for their talent, too!

Anywho, check out his solo work and of course The Raconteurs

www.brendanbenson.com
www.theraconteurs.com

Much Love!

oy

So I haven't stayed at my new place since the horrific attack of the fleas. James has assured me that my apt is pest free. After the managers set off foggers, James and I bought some more at the store because I was afraid that they didn't get them all (the foggers they bought were for adult fleas), so we bought ones that were specifically for fleas and their eggs (yuck) and set them off two days later and we bought spray for the windows (for a variety of bugs). I feel bad because I am all like killing these bugs, but bugs aren't meant to be biting my ankles and legs and I don't believe their place is in my apt. I aired the place out the other day and now have washed my sheets and some clothes. I just need to get in and unpack everything and vacuum again and get the courage to sleep there on my own. (I'm such a sissy) I'm just so bummed out that this is my first experience in the new apt and that the management (well just the husband) was rude about the situation. What makes it stink more is that I've paid so much to live here. With the combination of rent and the security deposit and the schedule of when rent is due before the month is over I will have dropped $1050 on this lovely apt, but whatev!

I am excited Wilco tickets go on sale today, but I am majorly broke (read above). James said he would buy my ticket, but I know he is short on funds too, so I don't want to bring it up (that would be mean of me). So I'm just hoping that not all of the good seats are taken in a couple of weeks when I get paid again *fingers crossed*

Anywho, I guess I should go eat breakfast or something and get some stuff done before work.

Laters!

bummed out

So I have a lot of bug bites on my legs after sleeping at my new place. I thought that maybe mosquitoes got in or that they were just a couple of spider bites. Instead guess what I have in my apt...FLEAS! I was sitting on my couch today talking on the phone and I found one on my shirt and I went to squish it, but it moved away too quickly. So I called my landlord and they said they would put some bug bombs in there tonight. And that they were surprised because the ppl that lived there before didn't have any pets and that the person below me opposite of me has a cat. But I know I didn't bring fleas into that apartment, nor did anybody that has come over to visit. It just turned into a weird situation, first they apologized and are going to set off bug bombs, but then it turned into the guy telling me he will take care of it this time, but that if they come back it is my problem. It just seemed a bit rude in my opinion and he accused my friend (Lisa stayed there a couple of weekends ago) of bringing them in. bleh.

Anywho off to a work meeting.

ps...I am way sad...Kate Hudson and Chris Robinson are separating=/

Wahoo!

Yay, I am super excited that Wilco is going to be playing here in West Lafayette at Elliott Hall of Music. I get to see them at Lollapalooza, but it's not like you could see Wilco too many times ya know?

Anywho, that's all to report at this time. Heading to bed since I have to open and then heading up to Chicago (again) for Pitchfork Music Festival (Sunday). Spoon, Devandra Banhart, and of course the guys from Wilco - Glenn Kotche and Nels Cline.

Laters!

Nice to see Roger Federer won the Wimbledon championship this year. Now time to get ready for the US Open. (photo credit: nytimes.com)

Last night was the cd release party for The Woodstove Flapjacks. It was a good time. Hippies were out full swing in front of the band. I don't mind hippy dancing so much. James on the other hand thinks they look ridiculous and had comments to make. The band did really well for the set that I saw. We left around 11:30pm when they were taking a break. It was great to see all the people there supporting the band. Family, friends, fans, etc. Of course we had a Starbucks fan area of sorts and I definitely recognized a lot of customers there.

Anywho...I think it's time to head over to the library. The Tippecanoe PL is having it's big booksale and today everything is half price. Cookbooks and other books here I come!

Be Happy=)

Yay, I'm done with work for today. Almost time to head home to have some more yummy Chinese food from Main Moon. (I think I could eat it everyday...but maybe it's in my blood)

James and I are going to spend the night in Tipton and then head to Indy tomorrow for the US Grand Prix...yay! I'm definitely excited.

Anywho. I forgot to mention last blog that my main crush Rivers Cuomo is now married...as is Nick Valensi of The Strokes. These two events prompted James to ask me if that was why I was bleh/bummed out recently. If that were the reason why I were bummed out, I might be in need of some help=Þ

Anywho, that's all for now!

Laters!

Month of Funk

This has definitely been my month of funk (me being in one) for various reasons. I just want to get past it and get on with life. I know I haven't been doing all that I can to get out of it, instead letting myself get caught up in feeling crappy and whining an extra bit to those around me (sorry). But all things come to pass.

Going home tomorrow to get my license plates from my parents, my plates are up by the end of this month which is of course tomorrow (I'm never punctual about things). Planning on going home around lunch time so James and I can get some awesome food from Main Moon =) and some yummy almond cookies.

Today was fun. I got up early (8ish) and had breakfast then watched some tv (music videos) and of course sang along to different ones...Dixie Chicks, KT Tunstall, others. Then I washed the dishes in my sink, switched some more cds over to MP3 format on my computer (I promise I will get cds out to you all soon!) In between all of this I of course was playing my music and singing out loud to everything. I thought my roommate, Daria, wasn't home so I just did whatever, but turns out she was home (her car wasn't here because it was her 21st birthday and it was still in town somewhere). I was kind of embarrassed that she probably heard me sing not so well, but oh well. I need to work on not being so shy around ppl. Then I left to have lunch with James at Moe's and then came home did nothing until 5:15pm rolled around and headed to work. And work was fun, too. I worked with Pete and Adrienne which was a good time and James stopped by, too.

Anywho, not much else to report.

Time to go to sleep!

Hanging out at the library while James is in class. I had a few errands to make so I figured I would just take him to class today. Hillary and I were going to meet up today down in Indy, but she needed to finish up some stuff for a class. That is fine though, I would rather her do her work than ditch it for me...as cool as I may be, heh=Þ

Sounds like James is going to skip work and we'll hang out this afternoon. He keeps reminding me that we need to spend more time together, than just eating dinner. So maybe we'll play some gamecube today. (I highly doubt I will get him to go outdoors)

I have meant to blog about this for some time now (okay a couple of weeks). The founder of Bruno's passed away on May 27th. I still get sad when I drive by, too because they have on their sign, "We will not forget you. Bruno 5-27-06."

Anywho. It seems I have my interview for ASM next Tuesday during my work day. I'm a little bummed I don't get to dress up, but ya know. Maybe it will be better for me this time around. But seriously if it doesn't happen this time...it's going off the burners for sure. No longer going to keep it warm on the back burner.

Well, I should get, James should be out of class soon.

Laters!

p.s. You should check out the Woodstove Flapjacks on myspace.com if you can. My friend James from work is in the band. They are a bluegrass band from Lafayette/West Lafayette area.

Providence, RI

Thank You all for the Birthday wishes. Our trip is almost over, we are visiting Johnson and Wales today and then prob heading home Tuesday.

I'm sure there will be more to blog, when I get home.

Laters!

Back Home Again in Indiana

Time again for the Indy 500. Hope it doesn't thunderstorm later like the weather channel said. James was headed down to Indy to go to the race with our friend Andrew.

I remember when I was little, going to the 500 parade downtown a few times with my Aunt Bobbie and Uncle Jack and I think I went to the race one year with them, too. But being little, my parents I think thought it would be boring for me, or maybe I found it boring. I think I was still in the single digits or had just turned around 10 or so. Also remember going down for Carb Day, jazz band got to play down there, that was neat. And then about three years ago James, Andrew and I went down for Carb Day to see Better Than Ezra and such. Sitting up in the suites was nice, but the concert...not so much. A lot of beer drinkers and scantily clad over weight women trying to body surf...eek!

Heh, I also remember my mom crying whenever we would listen to the race and Jim Nabors would sing Back Home Again in Indiana...I guess she's just sentimental about that sort of stuff.

Anywho, it's off to work and maybe catch the race on the radio in the back.

My pick this year for winner is Helio Castroneves. But we shall see. It's highly unlikely that Danica will win this year because of her car...but perhaps in the coming years, that would be great to see!

Enough is enough

I just got finished playing some guitar hero...I am so awful at the higher levels. Almost all of my songs finish with three stars out of five. My pinky finger is not very strong and my coordination seems to be quite low=Þ

Drum lessons went well on Monday, my instructor says I am going through the book pretty quickly. It seemed like a lame question to ask, but I asked him at what point to ppl move onto drum set playing. I assume after learning the basics, and rolls such. He said it's just a matter of moving from playing all on one drum to playing one stick on the drum the other onto the cymbals surrounding the set, etc. So hopefully that will come after a few more lessons or so. I did ask if he tells any of his students it's not a good idea if they just really stink at it. It sounds like he hasn't had to do that though. He said he has one student that's been on drum set for a year and is stuck in the same place, not really moving forward. I definitely want to try and it would be cool to have a drum kit later. I've been looking and it will probably be around $700/800 for a decent kit. But let's see how it goes.

Work is work. Definitely getting to a low point again. And complaining a lot which I don't feel good about. It's hard to stop once I start. So I am going to try really hard to not start the process of complaining about it. Too many ppl have had to hear me complain about it...James, Christina, James at work, Lisa, and my parents. I am supposed to have a short meetup with Maria, so that should be my chance to vocalize my concerns, not in a mean way, but not wimpy either when I talk about these things...gotta be strong and stand up for myself/the store's concerns.

We finally started recycling plastic at the store. I just need to find a drop off for paper, because the place I drop off at didn't have a paper bin or at least I didnt' see one.

Anywho...off to buy another plastic bin for recycling and then off to the bank and some other errands...yay for days off!

Be Happy!

I've got two tickets to Iron Maiden, baby

Well, I have the next two days off which will be nice (good ol' request book). Just a bummer now cause I had planned on James' family having his birthday festivities this weekend, but he said it will be next weekend...Memorial weekend, so we'll see how that plays out.

Work is meh, but that is fine, it just helps me to get fired up for what I know I don't want to do in life or be like personality wise and all that great learning/experiencing stuff.
I do have to say though, with the ppl Maria has hired lately, I'm beginning to develop a complex. Three out of the four new girls Maria hired are like itty bitty minnies. They are like half my size and I feel like a giant next to them. But hopefully that will get better over the summer. I should lose a little weight, being 5'1"-5'2"ish and what my scales say sometimes don't seem the healthiest/best.

James and I are visiting the New England area in a week and a half to visit two culinary schools, I am excited. Just not excited about trying to finance the trip. I want it to be nice where we can site-see, but also not krazy expensive.

Anywho, enough is enough.

I'm off to eat some more kettle corn (mmmm) and maybe play some guitar hero=D

Stay Happy!

Monday, Monday

Opened today with Natalie. She put in her two weeks today. Sure I'm a little sad, I work with her quite a bit each week. And it's fun chit-chatting about random things, like last week weddings and getting married, stuff like that. But she will be happier leaving the store, too.

Also helped train two new girls. Of which Eddy I am sure will flirt with, if he hasn't already=Þ

James stopped by to have lunch with me at Moe's and then I was off to tutor Yuni. Then off to my first official drum lesson. It was better than I thought. I was a little nervous, but I remembered a lot of stuff as far as reading music, etc. I got through lessons 1 & 2 which it seemed was a good thing. My instructor said that most people he just gets through the first lesson and rarely the second. Beginner's luck I suppose. My instructor seemed like a nice guy. He's been playing somewhere in the ballpark of 17 years and he's 22. Yeah, krazy, huh? He grew up in a family though it sounds of music and arsty stuff. His dad run's McGuire's (or owns it...can't remember what he said), his brother plays guitar, his mother draws, and his sister sings. That seems pretty cool to me.

Then after my lesson, I tutored Jae. We are almost done with The Hobbit. I am planning a test for him, multiple choice, short answer and a choice of some essays. I can't believe I'm actually in charge of tutoring someone. It's fun and I can do it, but I never saw myself doing this, ya know?

Then after that I went grocery shopping, then James and I had dinner at Moe's. It seems as of lately we have been doing Moe's twice on Monday's since Monday nights are $5 burrito nights. Any burrito, chips and a soda for $5. I am stuffed and it's been like three almost four hours since I ate. bleh.

Found out yesterday that my best friend from high school will be moving back to Indiana (she lives in Tampa, FL currently). She got into the MBA program at Notre Dame. So she and her bf Nick will be here in August. Krazy.

Other randomness. I was thinking this past weekend of who I would have in my wedding (as far as bridesmaids/maid of honor) and I think this is my lineup as of now, like if I were to get married way soon, which I'm not, but just for fun. This could maybe surprise some people, but I don't really think so. Most people know who my close friends are and such. So here goes...Jenny, Elisabeth, Christina and Hillary. I had always said that Elisabeth would be in my wedding and for a while, I wasn't sure because we have grown apart a little bit, but you know what? She's been my friend since the seventh grade and we are still friends. Jenny, that's an easy choice. Christina and Hillary are prob my two closest friends from the Starbuck era that I have maintained a good relationship with, sure we've had our ups and downs, but they are great gals and I would be way excited someday to have all four in my wedding.

Also went home to visit with my mom for Mother's Day and also got to see my dad. And also got to hear more things about my sister-in-law and niece that frustrate me. bleh. There are some things I just don't understand.

Well, I have more I could blog about, but it seems quite long.

Laters!

p.s. The wedding we need to crash is June 18th. Commencement at Harvard is June 8th. I think people were getting the dates confused (anyone know where I can get help for webstalking?).

It's Sunday...which means back to work tomorrow. Whoot, whoot.

I am so hungry right now, I am quite certain my stomach is eating itself=Þ I can't get James to decide what he wants to eat. I want to make a pasta dish later, but for dinner...I don't have the patience to wait for it to cook right now and then eat that. I would like to eat a little bit of a lunch and then make the pasta later.

I am super excited because I signed up for drum lessons on Friday. My first lesson will be tomorrow. I am nervous though...I wonder if they give refunds if they figure out in the first lesson that you will just not make a good drummer, heh.

Work is okay, it's work. We get a bonus which will be nice. I think I have already spent it though...drum lessons and maybe some more concerts. My concert budget I think is getting out of control, considering my salary which is nonexistent. Plus a summer vacation with James up NorthEast to visit schools and such.

Which is another thing...I am getting nervous about what I am going to do after my lease (well in this case, no lease) ends with Daria. I will be out of there the end of July and I have not signed anywhere, because I don't know what I will be doing, if I get into a school, blah blah blah. I just need to quit worrying (I think this is the most I have worried about it). I am sure my parents would let me move back home, but I am not sure I want to do that.

I always forget everything I want to blog about, but I suppose that is a good thing, maybe some things aren't meant to be blogged about.

All for now!

My hips don't lie

I've eaten one too many shortbread cookies=Þ

Anywho. Just house sitting for James so I can receive two packages. A new motherboard and his speakers. I should be outside, but I am sure I will be soon. There has been so much going on these past couple of days as far as me feeling right about the actions I've done and those sorts of things, but I feel okay about it now and know that I've done the right thing. And now I leave it and trust that what is supposed to happen is just that.

This weekend should be nice. Today James's band and Ben Ezra's band are playing a benefit show up by Von's shops. Then Christina is coming in tonight (which I should clean for) and then tomorrow Christina, Hillary, Kelly, myself and perhaps Ginger will all be going out for lunch. It will be a fun time=).

Well I'm sure there is more to say, but this is all for now!

12:51

Talk to me now I'm older
Your friend told you 'cause I told her
Friday nights have been lonely
Change your plans and then phone me.

We could go and get 40s
Fuck goin' to that party
Oh really, your folks are away now?
Alright, let's go, you convinced me.

12:51 is the time my voice
Found the words I sought...
Is it this stage I want?

The world is shutting out...for us.
We were tense for sure,
But we was confident...

Kiss me now that I'm older
I won't try to control you
Friday nights have been lonely
Take it slow but don't warn me

We'd go out and get 40s
Then we'd go to some party
Oh really, your folks are away now?
Alright I'm coming...

I'll be right there.

Happy Easter!

Well tomorow is Easter and I'm getting ready to head home for the short weekend. James and I are getting a very late start, and we've got a stop in Fishers to get my computer going. Seems that Fry's gave me a cpu and motherboard bundle that are not compatible...boo! Anywho. So off to there, then stop and get groceries for Easter lunch after church and what not.

The past week has been very tiring and such, don't know why, just has.

The Strokes concert was great and it was definitely nice getting to visit with Ross and Rebecca (though I didn't get to see her much). Saw Jessica Talbot (I think that was her name) at the show. Yay Strokes!

Too short of time for a real blog, so maybe on Monday I can really blog.

Much Love!

oof

My legs ache, I've been trying to run outside since it's been nice and I think I tried to do too much too quickly. But it'll pass.

The Strokes concert is Friday, yay! I am super excited, just hoping I get to Chicago on time to get to Ross and Rebecca's and then from there to the venue with traffic and what not on a Friday evening.

Watched Top Chef tonight and at the end they showed the preview for the next episode and guess who the guest chef is...Ted Allen. I love Ted Allen=)

What else...not much, just watching the Daily Show and then heading to bed.

Much Love!

Maybe all I need is a shot in the arm

Boo, my check didn't get deposited into either my savings or checking account. It appears I made some mistakes when editing my accounts, so now I have to wait a few days or perhaps up to eight business days to receive a new check=/ Bad timing I must say for me to mess with my direct deposit, rent is due as well as the electric bill, but I am lucky that my roommate is understanding and the landlord gives until the sixth to pay rent...my fingers are definitely crossed!

The summer is approaching which means I will no longer be tutoring, aka playing chess/checkers/scrabble with Jae-Hyun for $15/hour. It will be a little sad not going over to tutor a few days a week and the chance of getting some yummy Korean food. I really just need to bust out my Korean cookbook and start with some of the simpler recipes. But I have tons of other cookbooks I need to start cooking through. I should do like at least three new recipes a week...maybe, it could get expensive though if these recipes call for specialty items and such. Tonight I made a spanish tortilla (thanks to George Duran and HOTS) with food I had in my refrigerator.

But back to summer...concerts=D Need to start saving up! Also, hopefully another ten day meditation course. Haven't decided if I want to sit or serve. I would like to go to a center that is maybe somewhere I haven't been before and afterwards sightsee and such.

Anywho...time to get with it and get stuff done (or not) before sleep time!

What We Are Today

What we are today comes from our thoughts of yesterday, and our present thoughts build our life of tomorrow: our life is the creation of our mind. If a man speaks or acts with an impure mind, suffering follows him as the wheel of the cart follows the beast that draws the cart. What we are today comes from our thoughts of yesterday, and our present thoughts build our life of tomorrow: our life is the creation of our mind. If a man speaks or acts with a pure mind, joy follows him as his own shadow. --The Dhammapada, trans. by Juan Mascaro

The Theme of Dharma Practice

The foundation and initial goal of [our] transformation is avoiding doing harm to others. Whether alone or with others, we must strive to avoid doing harm either directly with our words or deeds or indirectly with our thoughts and intentions. We may injure others with abuse, slander, sarcasm, and deceit, or by acts of omission due to insensitivity and thoughtlessness. The most subtle way of harming others is indirectly by means of our thoughts, judgments, and attitudes. When the mind is dominated by hostility, we may be viciously attacking others with our thoughts. Although no apparent injury may be inflicted, these thoughts affect us internally and influence our way of interacting with others, and the long-term effect is invariably harmful. So the initial theme of Dharma practice is a nonviolent approach to our own lives, to other living beings, and to our environment. This is a foundation for spiritual practice, and can provide well-being for both ourselves and others. On this basis of nonviolence we can look for ways to serve others keeping in mind that any work will be altruistic if our motivation is one of kindness and friendliness. --B. Alan Wallace, Tibetan Buddhism from the Ground Up

All Living Beings Without Exception

Sometimes we think that to develop an open heart, to be truly loving and compassionate, means that we need to be passive, to allow others to abuse us, to smile and let anyone do what they want with us. Yet this is not what is meant by compassion. Quite the contrary. Compassion is not at all weak. It is the strength that arises out of seeing the true nature of suffering in the world. Compassion allows us to bear witness to that suffering, whether it is in ourselves or others, without fear; it allows us to name injustice without hesitation, and to act strongly, with all the skill at our disposal. To develop this mind state of compassion... is to learn to live, as the Buddha put it, with sympathy for all living beings, without exception. --Sharon Salzberg, Lovingkindness

My head is a box filled with nothing

Oy, just when I think I have it figured out what I want to do with my life, turns out I am still not sure=Þ I have two things I really like, I guess you could say passionate about. Food and music *gasp*. So it's like do I plan my life to have something to do with one and incorporate the other in someway, choose just one and have the other as a hobby, or try to figure out something with both equally...
The plan is to still go to culinary school, but part of me wants to do something like write for music magazines/journals. Or maybe I could be a chef for a band, I've thought about that a couple of times, but traveling on the road I am sure we be difficult and such, but it would be cool (if the band is cool=Þ).

Anywho. It's snowing here. I think we got an inch or so and I can't quite tell if it is still snowing or if it is just snow being blown around from on top of the building. I love snow, but I am ready to have a new season.

Chris from work had a St. Patrick's Day party. Christina came down for it and James went along. It was okay, it gave us something to do and I got to hang out with ppl from work, but I guess it would be more enjoyable without loud music, dark rooms and a green cat (poor Natalia). I told Christina my idea of a party is with board games or trivial pursuit type games and good food and ppl that we know well (perhaps a small gathering of 4-8pp).

I always have things I want to blog about, but when I sit down to blog I seriously forget everything I was thinking earlier...boo!

Oh well. New and exciting news...not too much except that The Strokes concert is coming up soon! April 7th, woohoo! Ross, we are going to have tons of fun (hope you like standing close to the stage). I think I get the days off that I had requested off for this next week so Hillary and I can see The Elms in Indy.

I am sure there is more to write, but my stomach is growling and I have leftover sesame noodles that I fixed last night to eat! yum-o indeed!

Laters!

But you are what you love...

and not what loves you back.

I had things I wanted to blog about earlier, but seems I have not remembered...

ah well.

Krazy day at work. Anywho. Watching the Oscars...got to see Philip Seymour Hoffman and Reese Witherspoon win their awards, yay. I love Reese Witherspoon more and more as the days go along (I'm sure for you too Hillary;)) I also love Kate Hudson!

Ross, if you read this I will call you tomorrow. Today was just a krazy day at work, meaning that somebody did not show up, had to ask someone to stay longer, call someone in early, make too many phone calls and work short staffed and such. But I am pooped. And I should be getting to bed early because I open, but I've been wanting to blog like every day!

*this section has been deleted by me, it's not necessary*

Well, to end this blog here is a song that I've had in my head the last couple of days...

I Will Follow You Into the Dark

Love of mine some day you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark

No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles brusied by a lady in black
And I held my toungue as she told me
"Son fear is the heart of love"
So I never went back

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It's nothing to cry about
Cause we'll hold each other soon
The blackest of rooms

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Then I'll follow you into the dark

- DCfC

You Only Live Once

Some people think they're always right
Others are quiet and uptight
Others they seem so very nice nice nice nice nice nice (oh-ho)
Inside they might feel sad and wrong (oh no)

Twenty-nine different attributes
Only seven that you like (uh-oh)
Twenty ways to see the world (oh-ho)
Twenty ways to start a fight (oh-oh)

Oh don't don't don't get out
So I can see the sunshine
I'll be waiting for you, baby
Cause I'm through
Sit me down
Shut me up
I'll calm down
And I'll get along with you

A Man don't notice what he got oh
Women think of that a lot
One thousand ways to please your man (oh-ho)
And neither one requires a plan (I know)

And countless odd religions, too
It doesn't matter which to choose (oh no)
One stubborn way to turn your back (oh-ho)
I guess I've tried and I refuse (oh-ho)

Oh don't don't don't get up
So I can see the sunshine
I'll be waiting for you, baby
Cause I'm through
Sit me down
Shut me up
I'll calm down
And I'll get along with you
Alright

Shut me up
Shut me up
And I'll get along with you

- The Strokes.

Completely Missing the Moment

It is often the case that whatever we are doing, be it sitting, walking, standing, or lying, the mind is frequently disengaged from the immediate reality and is instead absorbed in compulsive conceptualization about the future or past. While we are walking, we think about arriving, and when we arrive, we think about leaving. When we are eating, we think about the dishes and as we do the dishes, we think about watching television. This is a weird way to run a mind. We are not connected with the present situation, but we are always thinking about something else. Too often we are consumed with anxiety and cravings, regrets about the past and anticipation for the future, completely missing the crisp simplicity of the moment. --B. Alan Wallace, Tibetan Buddhism from the Ground Up.

I thought she seemed really familiar...

Okay, so some of you guys know the band Rilo Kiley and their lead singer Jenny Lewis. But do you guys remember that she was in the movie Troop Beverly Hills as Shelley Long and Craig T. Nelson's daughter? YES! I was like, that is totally her and so I looked on imdb.com and sure enough it is in her credits. Also, I looked through it further, and I remember the episode of Golden Girls that she was on. It's the one where she cons Rose and Blanche (maybe Dorothy) into buying her stuff/giving her money, I think. Anywho, there is a fun little tid bit to share.

Not going into too much detail, but I found my motivation that I needed as far as work goes.

Visited with my grandma today, had lunch and then just talked about random things.

Other than that...not much has changed.

Ben Folds in Indy in March and The Strokes in Chicago in April=)

Update

Since last blog, I found out I did not get the promotion that I was hoping for. Just wasn't meant to be I suppose and I need to learn not to get so nervous for an interview. It is nice though that it is done and over. Also, I appreciate everyone who gave me positive reinforcement prior to and after the interview. It really does mean a lot to me=) I get another shot at it in April/May. A lot of things can happen in between now and then, but I'm ready for whatever is to happen...I think. I am getting ready to move stores, also. This is my last week at Sagamore and next week I start at Wabash Landing. I am not for sure what is expected of me. Obviously I am still a shift, but they mentioned molding me for ASM, so I figure that means they will be giving me more responsibilities, like ordering product, etc. I've got to be honest, I am not super motivated right now to learn a bunch of new things. I am more excited to just work in a new environment with all the lessons I've learned from working at Sagamore. Good and bad things, number one though (and this is not to offend anyone) is to separate my friendships from those I work with. I find myself more high strung, one could say anxious, when it seems I have been trying to be everyone's friend and listen to what others have problems with outside of work, etc. I have the friendships that I want from people I have met through work, and I am content with those. With other partners (coworkers) I don't want it to escalate into talking about completely inappropriate topics at work, or people taking offense to me because I don't go out of my way to ask them about their life. I want everyone to be happy and well, but I don't feel like I need to be made a part of someone else's business and vice versa. I feel like that came out a little harsher than how I mean it to...

What else...got back from a meditation course last Sunday. Vistited Ross on my way back home from Illinois. My parents are back home, which I am glad they got back safely.

So ya...I think that is it for now. Everything else to be blogged about is not for the internet...it's called a diary and it's at home=Þ

" You must experience the truth yourself. Only then it becomes a truth for you. Otherwise it is only someone else's truth"

Whoa, it's almost been a month since my last blog. I guess it just means I am busy or I don't have anything to write about. Mostly the former.

Getting ready for an interview at work that is coming up in February. I am a little nervous, but by the end of this week I think I will feel calmer about it. I just moved from my other apt and now live with Daria. And then soon Emily and I are going to be looking at apartments/houses for rent to live in. We want something cool, but not expensive =Þ. Tutoring is going well. Yuni is off to Korea for about a month visiting family. Jae Hyun is pretty good, finally tutored him in actual homework instead of playing Scrabble or Mad Libs=Þ. They have also given me food to take home. The first day was kim pap and today it was tofu during the lesson and then some hot (spicy) soup and rice to take home. Yum-O!

What else...most of you who read this already know, but James and I are dating again. Nothing serious, but it's nice to actually know what is going on between us. I am not having to guess anymore. But this does not mean we are in it for the long haul, nor does it mean that we aren't. Just enjoying each other's company and seeing where this goes. Heather and I had a long talk about things relating to this the other day. At the present, I feel confident saying that if this does not turn out to be "the one", I will be okay with that. And to be honest if this doesn't work out for us, I am done. This will be our third go at it. Guess we will see if the third time really is a charm.

Also, next Wednesday I leave for a short meditation course, which I am excited about. And hopefully on the way back I will get to see Ross and Rebecca. Would be a shame to drive through Chicago and not do so.

My parents left last week for their month long vacation. They went to Florida to visit people and then will be leaving tomorrow for their ten day cruise through the Panama Canal. They are going through the opposite way that they did last time=Þ. My dad really likes Costa Rica so I think that was part of the motivation to go again. I decided the other day that I want to be able to pay for a cruise to Alaska for them. I should poll my brothers and see if they will help. I am thinking prob not, but you never know. That would be so awesome though. I know they really want to go, but it's just the really neat (for lack of a better word) cruises to Alaska are trés trés expensive!

Oh ya, hopefully some answer will be known to why I am not able to breathe properly. Or at least why it feels that way. I don't think its asthma. Thinking it is either allergies or anxiety. Mostly anxiety, with the symptoms I am having. Last week I had standard lab work done and a chest x-ray. This Thursday I get to go back to the hospital and get a breathing test done. This should eliminate a few things. It just stinks that it will cost me a chunk of money to eliminate what I am pretty sure I don't have (asthma). Ah well, better to know for sure, than to be in doubt!

Anywho. I need to get home and do something productive and get to bed early...day two of five openings await me!