awesome

That's what I said when I saw the guy I am crushing on at Borders. Adrienne, James (Starbucks) and I went over after our meeting to look around. We went to check out and Adrienne was being her normal self - funny, confident, etc. - and was making conversation with Zach and then it was my turn to check out and I had my Borders Reward card in my hand and he said he could swipe it for me and instead of saying, "thanks" or "that would be great" (something polite and friendly) I blurted out "AWESOME!" I know I'm thinking way too hard about what I need to say when I see my crush and I get way nervous and pretty much become incoherent and lose all the social skills that I have. Seriously, it's bad.

I know I talk a lot about guys and who I think is cute, etc. But honestly there are only a couple of guys that I seriously like, like really like. I found out last week that guy #1 has a girlfriend, which I was bummed out about, but anymore these days I'm not surprised. If they are great guys they are probably already taken. Borders crush is single (source: Anna), but I really don't talk to him...or any guy for that matter. I just get really shy and all I can do is smile and stumble over the very few words that I can get out of my mouth. Who knows. I just know I need to not put so much effort into thinking about this topic=Þ Just be myself...meow meow meow.

anywho. I put an ad in the Exponent to advertise my apt. I hope something turns out. It will be running for three days and so ya. We'll just have to see what happens.

I was supposed to leave tonight for the meditation course, but I just don't have a good feeling about leaving right now. The timing doesn't feel right, like with work and all the things I should be working on for work or outside of work (writing, tutoring, etc.) and my car is also acting funny and so I have decided not to go. That is kind of a plus though because after tomorrow, I have every day off until next Tuesday/Wednesday. I hope a I get some things accomplished/finished.

Besides my apt and still feeling sad every now and then about James, things are good. There was a time a few weeks ago that I started getting really sad about James, I don't know if it was really about that we weren't together, but just sad that things didn't work out and that I hope we will still be friends despite all of this. But it seems difficult to go back to a friendship when I think about our relationship over the time I have known him. I don't know how these things work with trying to be friends with someone that the majority of the time you were dating, planning a future of some sort and being really closer to that person than your best friends and such. Like I know that I just have to wait and see I can't keep spending my time worrying about things I just really don't know the answer to, but it's hard to not do that. I feel like I worry more than I should be about all sorts of things!

Anywho, I should stop writing and head to the grocery store. I so love grocery shopping, I just don't like the putting away part when you get home, ya know? Anywho.

Much Love!